Stitch by Stitch, Day by Day

With gratitude and love for my sister (in-law) Lisa, who wrote this eulogy and read it at the Memorial Service for Carolyn two weeks ago in Pella. In fact, as I post this, I realize that it was exactly two weeks ago almost to the minute that I was praying these words at the cemetery:

O Lord, support us all the day long
until the shadows lengthen
and the evening comes
and the busy world is hushed,
and the fever of life is over,
and our work is done.
Then, in your mercy,
grant us a safe lodging,
and a holy rest,
and peace at the last;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Stitch by Stitch, Day by Day
A Tribute to Carolyn Jaarsma Lubbers



Carolyn loved to stitch. You can see before you some of the many beautiful pieces she created with her hands. The dates on the pieces show that even through the last four years, Carolyn continued to stitch. It was her passion and perhaps even her therapy. She created her pieces in the same way she lived her life, stitch-by-stitch, day-by-day.

Mom has called Carolyn “God’s special creation”. There is no doubt God designed the beautiful, intricate pattern of Carolyn’s life; Carolyn brought God’s creation to life through her living.

Anyone whoever watched Carolyn stitch knows she could stitch two-handed. You could see one hand working on top of the piece swiftly forming the Xs, but the other hand below deftly guided the needle back to the top. Carolyn was more like that left hand, getting things done quietly behind the scenes, never calling attention to herself. The backs of Carolyn’s pieces are as almost as neat as the fronts. Carolyn lived in such a way that nothing needed to be hidden from view.

A friend of Carolyn’s, Cyndi Boertje, noted that Carolyn was often the thread that held so many of us together. She valued relationships and worked hard to keep friends, family, and even this church held together through good times and bad times.

The threads she most commonly used in her life were love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Self-Control – Carolyn did not like foul language. When things surprised her or frustrated her, you could hear say such things as holy moley, jeepers creepers, holy smokes, by golly george, fiddlesticks, fudgecicles, and, a favorite, “holy buckets of soup!”

Gentleness – Carolyn always put others first and never wanted recognition for what she did.

Faithfulness – Carolyn was a faithful friend, and ever devoted to her family.

Goodness and Kindness –Carolyn could be the living definition of these words.
In the past few days we have heard so many comments about Carolyn’s radiant smile. Her smile reflected her goodness. Carolyn’s first thought was always how she might help someone. Carolyn’s domain was the kitchen at home and at church. Carolyn fed the body while Randy fed the soul.

"Gezelligheid" is a Dutch word that means cozy, togetherness; Carolyn was “gezellig.” Our Dutch “sister”, Miriam, sent a tribute to Carolyn via e-mail:

“It is hard to think of what to say to you Carolyn because words can never express how special you were…your unlimited love and interest in others. You always made everybody, including me, feel very special without wanting anything in return. When I think about you I think about 'gezelligheid', cross-stitching away with Tom Cruise and popcorn balls, zipping up the Swiss hills in the ‘Suzuki way too small', and you running through the sprinklers at the wooden shoe pond on a hot summer day. Carolyn thank you so much for being you, I'm so happy you were in my life and you will always be in my heart.”

Carolyn had an uncanny way of knowing when to give support and encouragement. A phone call often came at just the right time. Even as she battled cancer herself, she gave comfort and encouragement to women newly diagnosed. Her advice was, “just take it one day at a time.”

Patience – Throughout her entire illness, Carolyn maintained a positive attitude. When asked how she was doing even on bad days, her answer was “all right.” She stitched during the long hours at the hospital getting chemo and the long days recuperating at home.

She patiently taught her step-son John how to cross stitch. She patiently put up with my piano and flute practicing, even though she and Kristi occasionally yelled, “Mom, make her stop!” Carolyn obviously had to have patience to put up with Randy through marriage. ☺

Peace – Carolyn valued peace above almost anything. She didn’t like it when the world wasn’t spinning quite right. During our weekly Sunday dinners at Mom & Dad’s, Randy and I would sometimes argue politics at the dinner table. She never liked that, but one day she put her hands over her ears and yelled, “Just stop it!” We did.

Joy – The stories we have heard over the last few days have almost all involved Carolyn’s joy and love as well as fun and silly memories. Carolyn made everyday life a celebration for those around her, especially children. Carolyn was the favorite “silly” aunt. Elyse and Luke, Aric and Alli spent many hours together in Pella. They looked forward to macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets and lemonade for Saturday lunch. They remember the endless crafts Carolyn came up with (the messier the better). They remember picnics under the tree, climbing trees, lemonade stands, walking to Big Rock Park, and playing outside no matter the weather. Even last Christmas, Carolyn was the “car” on the floor for my two boys. No child was exempt from Carolyn’s tickling fingers and big bear hugs.

Carolyn had a way of turning lemons into lemonade. Rainy days became an opportunity to run in the puddles along the street. Carolyn even encouraged Alli to find worms to torment the boys. When Elyse had chicken pox, Carolyn gave Aric and Alli paintbrushes and had them paint Elyse with calamine lotion. As Carolyn started losing her hair after her first round of chemo, she let the kids shave her head. Lemonade.

Love – Above all, Carolyn allowed all of us to experience unconditional love. She accepted us as we were. She never held a yardstick we had to measure up to. I think 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 is very appropriate for Carolyn. Please forgive the liberty I have taken to change it a little:

Carolyn was patient and kind. Carolyn was not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Carolyn did not demand her own way (very often). She was not irritable (usually) and kept no record of when she had been wronged. She was never glad about injustice but rejoiced whenever the truth won out. Carolyn never gave up, never lost faith, was always hopeful, and endured through every circumstance. Carolyn will last forever.

Carolyn has left behind a legacy far greater than her stitching. Her handiwork will live on in her children, her family and friends in the ways she touched each of us and made our lives better.

Shortly after her cancer diagnosis, Carolyn told Mom, “I am going to live until I die.” She lived well…and she did it her way…stitch-by-stitch, day-by-day.


Lisa Jaarsma Zylstra
June 8, 2009