Eight Habits for Building "Faith Apathy" in your Kids

1)THE HABIT OF DOING-YOUR-OWN-THING. Encourage your children to attend worship only if they want to because, after all, you wouldn't want them to do anything “just because you told them they ought to.”

This habit, by the way, is particularly effective in producing faith-apathy if you apply it inconsistently. In other words, do not allow your child to do her own thing regarding curfew, attending sports practices, doing homework, or going to the dentist. Only allow your child to “do his own thing” regarding church activities.

2)THE HABIT OF EARNING-YOUR-OWN-WAY INTO HEAVEN. Teach your children that all “good people” go to heaven and that only “really, really bad people” will fall short of God's expectations. Teach them that God only frowns on “serious” sins. Teach them that “sin” is only about the “bad things you do” and that it has nothing to do with the attitude of your heart.

Closely related to this, it is very important to downplay God's “extravagance” and “radical hospitality” so your children never take their salvation for granted. And, at the same time, you should also downplay the radical nature of Christ's call to discipleship. Encourage your children to be good; but, at the same time, to keep religion in its proper place.

3)THE HABIT OF MIXED MESSAGES. This is really quite simple. Drive your children to Sunday school and pick them up after it's over. Teach them that “good kids” go to Sunday school, but that good parents skip worship more often than not.

This habit is reinforced when you make every effort to attend almost all of your child's school and sports events.

4) THE HABIT OF SPORTS ADDICTION. Tell your kids – through your actions if not your words – that nothing should ever get in the way of your favorite sports activity. Regardless of your personal passion – baseball, softball, basketball, volleyball, or wrestling; deer hunting or walleye fishing; NASCAR racing, Vikings football, or whatever! The specific sport doesn't matter. Just make sure your kids understand that God doesn't always come first.

Practical ways to reinforce this habit:
(a) Drive 400 miles so your child can play hockey but refuse to take them to a church event because it doesn't fit your schedule.
(b) Make sure you convince your child to believe the coach who tells you that he/she won't play on varsity if he/she doesn’t play in the off-season. Shrug off any idea of spending more than a few hours a week on church activities or family devotions, but invest whole weekends and hundreds of dollars on sports.

5)THE HABIT OF IMBALANCE. Encourage your child to push everything else aside for academic gain. After all, even if they turn 21 and have no interest in their relationship with Christ, you will still be thrilled that they got an A in Trig, right? Instead of teaching them balance, teach them that all else comes second to academics.

6)THE HABIT OF AFFLUENCE. Teach your kid that the dollar is almighty. As a parent, tell yourself your teenager's job (or jobs) are teaching responsibility, even if, in reality, most of the earnings are just going to buy the “extras” your kid wants. Never, never encourage your child to put faith activities above the responsibility of holding a job. Never force young children to tithe their allowance or earnings. See Habit #1.

Reinforce this habit by sending a loud and clear message of what you really want to see them involved in and what you value most. You can do this by spending very little on faith-related activities and/or complaining about the church budget, while at the same time spending “whatever it takes” for designer jeans, dance costumes, sports equipment, lessons, fees, and other “necessary” stuff that “everybody else” has.

7)THE HABIT OF GOING-IT-ALONE. Even though faith is meant to be lived out in community, and even though the primary motivating force in kids’ lives is their relationships, devalue the importance of spending time on a regular basis with others in your church. Attend events or activities that are “required,” but never strive to be proactive in building common bonds with others in your church. Teach your kids that most other relationships come before church friendships. By doing all you can to keep your kids from experiencing the bonds of love in a Christian community, you help ensure that they can easily walk away without feeling like they are missing anything.

8)THE HABIT OF BEING AN EXAMPLE. If you want to encourage faith-apathy in your kids' lives, simply model it in your own life. Your teenager is no dummy. Kids are looking for things that are worth their time. Authentic, genuine, relevant relationships where people are growing in relationship with Jesus is appealing. So if you want to promote apathy about the Faith in your kids, don't let them see you excited about church. Rather, always approach church as “meaningless duty” and “insignificant ritual.” Because those things hold no attraction for kids.

Note: The “Eight Habits” were inspired by “Keys to Making Your Kids Apathetic About Faith” in an article by Scott Liscott, a “pastor in Maine since 1985.” His blog is called Drinking from the Same Dipper. I have reprinted part of his conclusion....

There are no guarantees that your children will follow Christ even if you have a vibrant, purposeful relationship with Him. But, on the other hand, if we, as parents do not do all we can to help our children develop meaningful relationships in Jesus, we miss a major opportunity to lead them and show them the path worth walking.
I want my kids to see that their dad follows Jesus with everything. “Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met” (Matthew 6:33, The Message).