Friday, August 21, 2009

Sharing a Gift

This is a poem by John O’Donohue which was read at a remembrance service this week at Dartmouth for patients in Palliative Care. This poem was shared with me yesterday by Dr. Cory Ingram, M.D., who was present during Carolyn's time in Hospice Care at ISJ-Mankato. Cory is a graduate of Central College, Carolyn's alma mater in her hometown of Pella, Iowa. Cory is on a one year Palliative Care Fellowship at Dartmouth under the tutelage of Ira Byock, M.D., the author of Dying Well: Peace and Possibilities at the End of Life and The Four Things That Matter Most.

Beloved ones,
Though we need to weep your loss,
You dwell in that safe place in our hearts
where no storm or night or pain can reach you.

Your love was like the dawn
brightening over our lives,
awakening beneath the dark
a further adventure of color.

The sound of your voice
found for us
a new music
that brightened everything.

Whatever you enfolded in your gaze
quickened in the joy of its being;
you placed smiles like flowers
on the altar of the heart.
Your mind always sparkled
with wonder at things.

Though your days here were brief,
your spirit was alive, awake, complete.

We look toward each other no longer
from the old distance of our names;
Now you dwell inside the rhythm of breath,
as close to us as we are to ourselves.

Though we cannot see you with outward eyes,
we know our soul’s gaze is upon your face,
smiling back at us from within everything
to which we bring our best refinement.

Let us not look for you only in memory,
where we would grow lonely without you.
You would want us to find you in presence,
beside us when beauty brightens,
when kindness glows
and music echoes eternal tones.

When orchids brighten the earth,
darkest winter has turned to spring.
May this dark grief flower with hope
in every heart that loves you.

May you continue to inspire us:
to enter each day with a generous heart.
To serve the call of courage and love
until we see your beautiful face again
in that land where there is no more separation,
where all tears will be wiped form our mind,
and where we will never lose you again.




John O’Donohue
To Bless the Space Between Us (pp. 170-1)

Monday, August 10, 2009

A night prayer...

This and every night
seems infinite with questions,
and sleep as elusive
as answers.

Pain and longing are always present,
dulled only a little
by the distractions of the day.
I am weary; I am angry.
I am confused.

Circle me, Lord;
keep despair and disillusionment without.
Bring a glimmer of hope within.

Circle me, Lord;
keep nightmare without.
Bring moments of rest within.

Circle me, Lord;
keep bitterness without.
Bring an occasional sense of your presence within.



Adapted from CELTIC DAILY PRAYER from the Northumbria Community
HarperSanFrancisco, 2002

Monday, July 20, 2009

Shrimp and Corn Chowder

Luke and I spent an evening in the kitchen a few nights ago, making shrimp and corn chowder. We mostly followed a recipe from Twelve Months of Monastery Soups by Brother Victor-Antoine d'Avila-Latourrette. I'll pass the recipe along here, a nifty (and accurate) quote from the same book, and a few notes from our own experience...

Ingredients:

5 cups water
2 onions, chopped
2 celery stalks, chopped
1 small chopped green pepper
1 finely diced carrot
2 large potatoes, diced
1 bay leaf
2 tablespoons flour
2 cups milk
1 17-ounce can creamed corn
1 cup whole-kernel corn
1 pound shelled shrimp, cooked
salt and pepper to taste
finely chopped parsley and paprika (as garnish)

1. Pour the water into a large soup pot. Add the onions, celery, pepper, carrot, potatoes, and bay leaf. Bring to a boil and then simmer slowly, covered, for about 20 minutes.

2. Dilute the flour in milk and add to the soup.

3. Add the corn, cooked shrimp, and seasonings. Blend and stir the soup, cooking for a few minutes over low-medium heat. Remove the bay leaf. Serve the soup, garnishing each bowl with a sprinkle of chopped parsley and paprika. Serves six.


"In 15 intervening years I had forgotten how delicious was this shrimp and corn chowder. I have since made it with both fresh and frozen corn--and can hardly tell which is which. I have also used frozen shrimps with excellent results.... The thin white sauce that gives the chowder its special creaminess is made separately and brought together with the other ingredients in the preparation."
-Bernard Clayton, Jr., The Complete Book of Soups and Stews


Well, as is so often the case with soups, I expanded the quantities of ingredients as I went along, and ended up with a big, big batch! It started with the onions, which, like most of the ingredients, came from a trip to the Mankato Farmer's Market. I had three onions and decided to use them both. I used three stalks of celery instead of just two. I had a large--not small--green pepper. I used two small carrots which were very, very fresh. Luke cleaned the whole basket of small red potatoes. So we added another 3/4 cup of water. We kept the milk at 2 cups and used skim. Whole or 2% might have been better, but it was wonderful just the same. Creamy but not too rich. We had two ears of corn from the market which we boiled for just a few minutes and then sliced off the ear. We used the creamed corn as called for but also a can of whole corn. The shrimp was frozen and uncooked. We put it in a hot frying pan with 2 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil, sprinkled on some of Emeril's "Essence" and then let it cook for about seven or eight minutes. We skipped the bay leaf and the garnish. It was a huge batch. And it was wonderful. It was wonderful served immediately after making it. It was excellent warmed up the next two days. And we still have more.

There is something wonderful about cooking with someone. "The Luker" and I had a great time. He even helped clean up!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Schedule for Ball Games

June/July 2009 – Softball & Baseball for Elyse & Luke

29-June
Elyse to Pella

30-June
Luke
6:15 (H)

2-July
Luke
6:15 (Mankato)

3-July
Elyse camping w/ friends

7-July
Luke
6:15 (H)

8-July
Elyse
6:00 (H)

9
Luke
6:15
(St Clair)

13-July
Elyse
7:30 (H)

14-July
Luke
6:15 (Mapleton)

15-July
Elyse
6:00 (Mankato)

16-July
Luke
6:15 (H)

18-July
Elyse
Tourney in Lake Crystal

20-July
Elyse
6:00 (Mankato)

21-July
Luke
6:15 (H)

22-July
Elyse
6:00 (Mankato)

23-July
Luke
6:15 (Mankato)

27-July
Elyse
6:00 (St. Peter)

2-August
aWelcomingChurch.org
CHURCH BUS TRIP
Twins vs. Angels

Monday, June 22, 2009

Stitch by Stitch, Day by Day

With gratitude and love for my sister (in-law) Lisa, who wrote this eulogy and read it at the Memorial Service for Carolyn two weeks ago in Pella. In fact, as I post this, I realize that it was exactly two weeks ago almost to the minute that I was praying these words at the cemetery:

O Lord, support us all the day long
until the shadows lengthen
and the evening comes
and the busy world is hushed,
and the fever of life is over,
and our work is done.
Then, in your mercy,
grant us a safe lodging,
and a holy rest,
and peace at the last;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.



Stitch by Stitch, Day by Day
A Tribute to Carolyn Jaarsma Lubbers




Carolyn loved to stitch. You can see before you some of the many beautiful pieces she created with her hands. The dates on the pieces show that even through the last four years, Carolyn continued to stitch. It was her passion and perhaps even her therapy. She created her pieces in the same way she lived her life, stitch-by-stitch, day-by-day.

Mom has called Carolyn “God’s special creation”. There is no doubt God designed the beautiful, intricate pattern of Carolyn’s life; Carolyn brought God’s creation to life through her living.

Anyone whoever watched Carolyn stitch knows she could stitch two-handed. You could see one hand working on top of the piece swiftly forming the Xs, but the other hand below deftly guided the needle back to the top. Carolyn was more like that left hand, getting things done quietly behind the scenes, never calling attention to herself. The backs of Carolyn’s pieces are as almost as neat as the fronts. Carolyn lived in such a way that nothing needed to be hidden from view.

A friend of Carolyn’s, Cyndi Boertje, noted that Carolyn was often the thread that held so many of us together. She valued relationships and worked hard to keep friends, family, and even this church held together through good times and bad times.

The threads she most commonly used in her life were love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Self-Control – Carolyn did not like foul language. When things surprised her or frustrated her, you could hear say such things as holy moley, jeepers creepers, holy smokes, by golly george, fiddlesticks, fudgecicles, and, a favorite, “holy buckets of soup!”

Gentleness – Carolyn always put others first and never wanted recognition for what she did.

Faithfulness – Carolyn was a faithful friend, and ever devoted to her family.

Goodness and Kindness –Carolyn could be the living definition of these words.
In the past few days we have heard so many comments about Carolyn’s radiant smile. Her smile reflected her goodness. Carolyn’s first thought was always how she might help someone. Carolyn’s domain was the kitchen at home and at church. Carolyn fed the body while Randy fed the soul.

"Gezelligheid" is a Dutch word that means cozy, togetherness; Carolyn was “gezellig.” Our Dutch “sister”, Miriam, sent a tribute to Carolyn via e-mail:

“It is hard to think of what to say to you Carolyn because words can never express how special you were…your unlimited love and interest in others. You always made everybody, including me, feel very special without wanting anything in return. When I think about you I think about 'gezelligheid', cross-stitching away with Tom Cruise and popcorn balls, zipping up the Swiss hills in the ‘Suzuki way too small', and you running through the sprinklers at the wooden shoe pond on a hot summer day. Carolyn thank you so much for being you, I'm so happy you were in my life and you will always be in my heart.”

Carolyn had an uncanny way of knowing when to give support and encouragement. A phone call often came at just the right time. Even as she battled cancer herself, she gave comfort and encouragement to women newly diagnosed. Her advice was, “just take it one day at a time.”

Patience – Throughout her entire illness, Carolyn maintained a positive attitude. When asked how she was doing even on bad days, her answer was “all right.” She stitched during the long hours at the hospital getting chemo and the long days recuperating at home.

She patiently taught her step-son John how to cross stitch. She patiently put up with my piano and flute practicing, even though she and Kristi occasionally yelled, “Mom, make her stop!” Carolyn obviously had to have patience to put up with Randy through marriage. ☺

Peace – Carolyn valued peace above almost anything. She didn’t like it when the world wasn’t spinning quite right. During our weekly Sunday dinners at Mom & Dad’s, Randy and I would sometimes argue politics at the dinner table. She never liked that, but one day she put her hands over her ears and yelled, “Just stop it!” We did.

Joy – The stories we have heard over the last few days have almost all involved Carolyn’s joy and love as well as fun and silly memories. Carolyn made everyday life a celebration for those around her, especially children. Carolyn was the favorite “silly” aunt. Elyse and Luke, Aric and Alli spent many hours together in Pella. They looked forward to macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets and lemonade for Saturday lunch. They remember the endless crafts Carolyn came up with (the messier the better). They remember picnics under the tree, climbing trees, lemonade stands, walking to Big Rock Park, and playing outside no matter the weather. Even last Christmas, Carolyn was the “car” on the floor for my two boys. No child was exempt from Carolyn’s tickling fingers and big bear hugs.

Carolyn had a way of turning lemons into lemonade. Rainy days became an opportunity to run in the puddles along the street. Carolyn even encouraged Alli to find worms to torment the boys. When Elyse had chicken pox, Carolyn gave Aric and Alli paintbrushes and had them paint Elyse with calamine lotion. As Carolyn started losing her hair after her first round of chemo, she let the kids shave her head. Lemonade.

Love – Above all, Carolyn allowed all of us to experience unconditional love. She accepted us as we were. She never held a yardstick we had to measure up to. I think 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 is very appropriate for Carolyn. Please forgive the liberty I have taken to change it a little:

Carolyn was patient and kind. Carolyn was not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Carolyn did not demand her own way (very often). She was not irritable (usually) and kept no record of when she had been wronged. She was never glad about injustice but rejoiced whenever the truth won out. Carolyn never gave up, never lost faith, was always hopeful, and endured through every circumstance. Carolyn will last forever.

Carolyn has left behind a legacy far greater than her stitching. Her handiwork will live on in her children, her family and friends in the ways she touched each of us and made our lives better.

Shortly after her cancer diagnosis, Carolyn told Mom, “I am going to live until I die.” She lived well…and she did it her way…stitch-by-stitch, day-by-day.


Lisa Jaarsma Zylstra
June 8, 2009

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Images of Love

My favorite images of love, at least today, are...

(1) Psalm 103
(2) My daughter Elyse "mothering" her little brother...
(3) the gospel of Luke, chapter 15
(4) the beatitudes in Matthew 5
(5) notes from classmates of Elyse on the Caring Bridge
(6) three women from church doing spring cleaning for us
(7) the hug of a friend
(8) making Christmas cookies on Dec 24
(9) holding hands
(10) and this great story...

An argument arose among them as to which one of them was the greatest. But Jesus, aware of their inner thoughts, took a little child and put her by his side, and said to them, "Whoever welcomes this child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me, for the least among all of you is the greatest" (Luke 9:46-48).

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Leisure

This was one of Garrison Keillor's featured poems on today's edition of The Writer's Almanac.


Leisure

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.


Leisure. By William Henry Davies